Last rays of sunlight

In the eveningtime, I felt compelled to take a walk. Because it was some distance off, the forest, I decided on a steed to carry me there, and bade it wait for me until I was ready to return again.

I Anar was nearing the western rim, as I walked over the bedrock, and in among the trees. Instantly, a calm came over me, such a one that I have now been badly in need of for some time. My steps slowed, and the light weight of my cloak troubled me not. I noted a small path, but stepped over it, and further inwards, finally finding a place where slanting rays of sunshine warmed the grassy ground. How can one resist such an invitation? For long I rested there, idly carving on a dead branch. When shadows at last reached me, once more, I walked. To the south, it seems, there must be some small road, and I did not venture there - who knows what humans here do, if they find one such as I?

Instead, I turned rather more northwards, eventually finding an enormous clearing - caused by the human hand, no doubt. Without much hurry I wound my way across, eventually coming to a rest, again, this time on a fallen tree. I greeted i Anar and then let my thoughts wander where they wished. Naturally, they turned to recent events and friends, some lost, others found. A profound sadness came over me then, and I grew restless. For a while I wandered, aimlessly, listening to the sounds of the forest. I chanced upon a small hut, no doubt built my humans, where traces told me the last visitors had left not long before me. It seemed a sturdy enough place, with a small hearth and some stools, but hardly a place for sleeping. Pains had been taken to mask it, but such a dense spot is easily discovered for one such as I. Who uses the hut, I wonder, and for what purpose? The beginning of the path for entering it, was rather cleverly chosen, with bedrock shining through the soft if not very lush ground.

I followed a path for a while, the first one I found, but in the other direction. Eventually, I tired, and with easy steps lept back toward the clearing. However, I soon found my feet turned me into the forest again, and there I found a tree, under whose low-spread arms I found a resting place.

Who knows how long I rested, letting my thoughts drift where they would?

Around me, the trees stood in calm silence, the birds twittered their last for the day, the wind disappeared. When at last I rose, it was darker. With sure steps, I retraced my way over the clearing, careful not to be seen, and made my way back again, finding the whitened remains of a hare's head, the cheeks in another location entirely. A stone invited me to a last moment of calm, and then I greeted my steed and carefully, in the quickly darkening woods, made my way homeward again. I was away for the longest time, it seems.

The stars are out, and for a while I sat in silent thought on Elendil, our clearest, most beloved star. ...and one in the firmament, or so say the Silmarillion, on the last of the three Silmarils. It is a comfort, to see it there, to know that the ship, ever-vigilant, sails over the sky, so that I can see him, every night. I Isil rises late, this night, and is near darkest. So turn my thoughts darker again, too, as the walls surround me, and not the trees. Alone in this place of humans, who can blame me?

The sound of snow falling

Elenaria shook herself, to try and wake up. She had been loosing herself in thought, and the snow that fell had already made her cloak white. Blinking, she took in the beauty surrounding her once again, and made to return to her quarters.
Wandering through the silent gazebo, she spied another of the residents wandering, seemingly just as lost in thought as she was. The place could have that effect on you.

She remembered when first she had come here. Feeling lost and without a purpose, she thought it would be a good place to rest, and it was. Master Elrond had greeted her upon arrival, and the sense of peace she had felt when laying her eyes upon Imladris, at the very first steps into the valley, had only grown.

How long had it been now? Years, as humans reckoned it. Time passed, and history went on.

But one last thought reached her through the falling snow, before she managed to banish all the darkness from her mind. How could she ever hope to achieve anything, if she didn't grow whole again? How could she return, and would she be welcomed? Folly, that last, of course she would be. Though lost, eventually all steps lead home. So much she had seen, so much she had known, and all that which she could not see an end to. In the end, what had it availed to? If only she knew how to mend things that were broken, things that were not made of matter but of spirit and of soul.

Master Elrond would let her stay for as long as she needed. Looking up again, the first lights had been lit. The ethereal quality of the place was only made stronger by the silent snow. Elenaria felt the inherent peace of the place, and the dark thoughts fled for now. This was home. In a very real sense of the word, and before her return to the Undying Lands some day, this was home. As darkness fell, the snow muffled all sounds, and in the library, the elf woman could see Erestor, the chief advisor, making sure all the lanterns were shining. With slow steps she returned to her room, to enjoy reading once again the Ainulindale. If nothing else, the works of far history took her mind off the more immediate, and the present.

Somewhere, a voice picked up an old song, and accompanied only by the snow, told a tale of love lost and found, eternal among the stars.

Night of the hungry wolf

Once upon a time, there was a black wolf and a white wolf. The black wolf had a wonderful, thick, black fur, deep eyes that took in all the world, and everyone liked the wolf. The white wolf had a long, beautiful tail swooshing as it ran, and eyes that shone like the moon, and many liked the white wolf.

The white wolf and the black wolf met in the forest one day, and instantly took a liking to each other. So they would howl to each other occasionally, and one night, they met in a dream. The eyes of the black wolf drank the white wolf, and the eyes of the white wolf shone with love's light at the black wolf. The moon laughed its silvery laugh, the wind caressed the both as they played, each careful not to approach the other too close.

They played for some time, as wolves do, and then had a rest. Their tails wrapped around each other, they nuzzled each others noses and spoke as only wolves can speak. As the night wore on, they became closer to each other. The white wolf felt that it had found something worth everything in the world, and the black wolf was of just that same mind.

But the wolves knew they could not be together. For they had each promised another wolf to run with them. And though this was a dream, as wolves dream, and though the black wolf growled,

"I am hungry!"

and the white wolf answered with a whimper, they only lay as close as two wolves can do, deep in dreaming.

When morning started to beckon them back to the waking world, the white wolf crept close, close to the black wolf. And the black wolf kissed the white wolf, as wolves kiss, very chastely, and just as chastely, the white wolf kissed back. Then, they watched each other fade from the dream, and when they woke, they were back where they had been.


So every night, the black wolf howls, and every night, the white wolf answers. But dreams are fickle, and they do not often meet. Only when the moon shines, can the wolves admit to each other what they feel, as only wolves feel, and only when the moon shines, do they whisper about wishes of closeness, wishes of being together, wishes of everything being all right. Only when the moon shines, can the black wolf and the white wolf dream.







I dedicate this to a close friend of mine. May they find a way.

A long welcome

I stood out among the others today, that I know. I believe I must have looked elegant. If I may say so, that skirt is my favourite one. It is too bad I do not use it very often.
In my opinion, the welcoming ceremony was unnecesary long. However, I greatly appreciated the music to which we were treated. The woman playing the violin is famous all over the known world ((Rie Nakajima)) and I believe the two instruments completed eachother very well.
Then was held a reception, during which I acquainted myself with some of my superiors. I believe this people to be a strange one, different to all others we know of. Their customs are not like those of other apanonar, yet also very unlike ours. Some things I find a difficulty adjusting to, others are very charming.

I have taken to retreating to the great library at times, since there is always quiet to be found and not many come here. I know I must soon put out the candle and return to my own room - I am sharing it with one of the horse-people called Tseegi - but I am reluctant to go. There is so much knowledge stored here, and the place is calm. Outside the windows I can see the mountaintops, covered in snow, and I think of home. It is a beautiful sight, however, I am glad that the sea is not far away. I know I will dream again tonight, of that quiet garden to where my soul is longing to rest. Yes, some day far from now.

The feeling of incompleteness does not leave me, though. Wolf, oh my wolf, how I wish for your presence.
A good night unto you all, spirits of the unknown. Carry my message to my love.

Finding Neverland

It seems to me I was right about tonight. The air was unusually warm for such a season. Now, outside, the elements greet me in their own peculiar way, letting flashes of light shine on the mountains in the distance. The rain and the wind wrapped themselves around me, as I walked back to write a little to myself, after having left the second letter in two days to the Messengers. My hope is that both will arrive safely to their destinations. I know my wolf is expecting his eagerly.
From the very beginning of this my journey, I was in doubt. And never did I doubt more, than when I had to take those first steps. But knowledge is what I was wishing for, and I have to pursue this chosen way for now, or I shall not reach my final destination. So it happens, that in only three wanderings of the Sun over the sky, I shall once again don the simple clothes, not of Elenaria the traveller, or Elenaria the Vanyar, but of Elenaria the scholar. I do look forward to it, as was expected, but the doubts still lingers. And I feel that somehow, not much would be required to make me turn around, and swiftly make my way back to where I started.
Not that any place one ever leaves is where one started. But I believe I have made my point.
Yes. Knowledge. The wish for it burns me still. Ah, no peace yet. The sea still waits, beckons. I love it as I love the forests. And we know we shall meet, but there is nothing but a gentle friendship between us. Ah... beware of the sea, if thou hearest the cry of the gulls on the shore, thy heart shall then rest in the forest no more. Yes, a good poem. But no, it does not force me from the forests. And, in any way, I know other forests await me. Into the West.

It is time for my sleep. It is time to let again the stars guide my mind, and rest from this dreary world. I do so hope I will meet my wolf on the fields of dreams again.

Far, far away...

Urgh. I shall start my blogging career with an "urgh". "Urgh" is an appropriate word right now. My discovery that Japanese girls not only giggle a lot, but also have the aMAZing ability to giggle loud and all at the same time was, I think, a groundbreaking discovery.
Not.

So. The situation stands like this:
I have deserted my home country of Sweden, where I studied the Japanese language for one year and a half, to take one semester at Akita International University, Japan. At home, my wolf. My love, my life, that strange thing that happened to me and made my belief in things fantastic soar again. Here, lots of strange people with alien habits, food, language, way of life. Lucky I speak Japanese already, or I would have been lost.
Next week, time to start studying. Last week, four days in Tokyo. I summon the experience up in a few words: mad, hysteric, crazy. Don't go there. Just don't. Really, you don't want to. It is like Christmas rush, all the time. Only, at times and certain places it gets worse. But, I got to take photos of gothic lolitas and cosplay-zokus. And go to the Tokyo International Anime Fair. Wow.
Akita is situated on north-western Honshu. The university lies in the middle of nowhere, which I like, with an airport close, which I also like - watching airplanes makes me dream about travelling. Beautiful scenery, mountains, rivers, forests... and, if you go anywhere near a settlement, boring, drab ricefields.
My roommate is a Mongolian girl named Tseegi. She is very nice, I already like her.

And. That's about it for now. The most important things are covered, next time I'll get down to what matters.
Writing strange blog-posts that no-one really quite understands. Wohoo!